jonnie q

founddeadhanging














...take me away from this place

she could see the lights from his front yard. they dotted the horizon in a perfect arc, the bow to her arrow. she tried to take a picture of it once but it came out blurry-a testament to the inability to freeze that kind of beauty. she was nervous now, and could see her breath in the light above the driveway. the house was quiet and peaceful, like those who slept inside were warm and dreaming. except for one. sleepless nights left him cold and praying for dreams. she crunched the layer of ice on the ground and made her way towards the door. she walked right in, knowing that for him, she was always welcome. always invited. he stood there in the dark, shadows cascading across his face making it almost unrecognizable. but she knew it was him. she saw that body that shape that soul that she used to know so well--the face that she could still feel just by holding out her hand and caressing the air- the hair forehead eyebrows nose lips stubble
he turned to speak but she pressed her index finger to those lips. "shh" she whispered. their eyes met at first in darting glances but soon were reunited and locked in place. she took her hand away and leaned in to unite their lips as well. the moonlight peered through the curtains and she could see his face perfectly now. illuminated. at last.


...and the light shineth in the darkness
______________________________________________________________________________________________
haha...i remember...this one time...there was a concert in lc, and this girl i was friends with didn't have a ride but she wanted to go...so i offered her a ride. We had to stop at my house so she could change clothes, but she forgot to bring clothes, so naturally, i offered her some of mine. Haha they were kind of big on her...but that wasnt the best part. When i gave them to her, i thought she would like go to the bathroom to change. Butttshe just ripped off her shirt, cause she had a bra on, and chenged right there in front of me in my room. I didn't really know what to think, besides blush a little. I mean, it wasn't awkward at all, she went about it as if it were natural. I mean secretly, i had had a crush on this girl ever since i sat behind her in physics class. We would write little notes to each other, kind of like...a weird form of flirting. But anyways...she like took off her shirt and i got wicked turned on...but what was i supposed to do ya know? How was i supposed to know...i was a youngin back then.

Anyways..moral is...this was the best moment of my life.

life just isnt worth living if im not with her

...but im afraid that im the only one who believes it

i feel so lost and incomplete without her

I JUST WISH WE COULD START OVER...I WANT WHAT WE HAD BEFORE...but i could give her so much more...

so its like...1...and i was lookin for a bio thing i wrote last year and i stumbled upon a picture of me and julia from may 2, 2002 when she came over my house for my birthday.

i must have stared at it for at least an hour...

i see so much in that picture...i see youthful ignorance...i see a world where there are no problems except whether i can get my mom to let me sleep over her house on late nights when i dont want to leave the comfort of her warm, cozy room under the covers...

i see what true love is...

i see a perfect world where nothing can go wrong...

i see why WE ARE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER...WHY WE ARE MADE FOR EACH OTHER...

GOD I LOVE HER

XjonniecupcakesX: is julias dress awesome?
StaR2814: yah she looks GORGEOUS
StaR2814: its ridiculous
Xjonniecupcakes: yeah well shes gorgeous even WITHOUT the dress...(with other clothes on of course...cough cough)...clothes dont make themselves beautiful!

"julia...maybe there is a God..."


motel 6...here we come!

everything is just...FADED GREY

i love julia EVER SO MUCH...um...sittin here...tired...tests up the ass...wish verizon didnt suck so that i could talk to julia...maybe if i wrapped some aluminum foil around it like this...then stick a spoon in like this...um no it didnt work...maybe ill just go to benets and open the door and tip toe over to her bed... and lift the covers and crawl under and snuggle the rest of my life in that bed all warm...from body warmth of course...and we could just live there forever...if heaven were on earth...it would be that...and maybe her in a pink dress...

i miss underwear time...i miss her room with no lights on but just enough candles that add that perfect aroma...with ani difranco in the background...on her bed with like her 425452334 pillows under her covers with her in my arms softly breathing listening to our hearts rise and fall...ok correction...that is heaven...


If ever I'm alone with you,
you make me feel
Like I am home again
If ever I'm alone with you,
you make me feel like I am whole again

However far away,
I will always love you,
However long I stay,
I will always love you,
Whatever words I say,
I will always love you,
I will always love you
---------------------------------------------------------------

























































..................................etta james

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start

Running in circles
Coming in tales
Heads are a science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart

Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me
Come back and HAUNT me
Oh and I rush to the start

Running in circles
Chasing tails
COMING back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard

I'm going back to the start

this game looked fun when connor did it...so i did my version...check it out

A
As hope dies

B
Bleeding through

C
(The) Comeback kid

D
Deadwater drowning

E
Endthisday

F
From a second story window

G
Get fucked

H
Hewhocorrupts

I
In flames

J
Judge

K
Knife fight romance

L
Lickgoldensky

M
Most precious blood

N
Nasum

O
On broken wings

P
Pig destroyer

Q
Q and not you

R
(The) Red Chord

S
Since the flood

T
Terror

U
Unearth

V
Verse

W
What feeds the fire

X
XfilesX

Y
Youth of Today

Z
Zao

goddam...goddam


fuck pcd in the mouth

she could see the lights from his front yard. they dotted the horizon in a perfect arc, the bow to her arrow. she tried to take a picture of it once but it came out blurry-a testament to the inability to freeze that kind of beauty. she was nervous now, and could see her breath in the light above the driveway. the house was quiet and peaceful, like those who slept inside were warm and dreaming. except for one. sleepless nights left him cold and praying for dreams. she crunched the layer of ice on the ground and made her way towards the door. she walked right in, knowing that for him, she was always welcome. always invited. he stood there in the dark, shadows cascading across his face making it almost unrecognizable. but she knew it was him. she saw that body that shape that soul that she used to know so well--the face that she could still feel just by holding out her hand and caressing the air- the hair forehead eyebrows nose lips stubble
he turned to speak but she pressed her index finger to those lips. "shh" she whispered. their eyes met at first in darting glances but soon were reunited and locked in place. she took her hand away and leaned in to unite their lips as well. the moonlight peered through the curtains and she could see his face perfectly now. illuminated. at last.


...and the light shineth in the darkness

sooooooooooooo ya know...i dunno...actually i do this time...

im tired of winter...its hurtin...

but there are some nice days that are premonitions of spring and i do enjoy them quite much like a chocolate milkshake or a gordita from taco bell in my #9 of two supreme beef gorditas, soft taco, andddd a cherry pepsi....damn straight...i think im gonna hit up the bell thursday...wanna know why? cause we aint gonna have school thursday bitches hahaha...even though eveeryone is already on vaca....bitches...


i been practicin my el basso guitaro much these days because it seems like i dont do work anymore cause work is for suckerrrrrrrs....and people like andy valenzuala...who wants to go to notre dame, which, dont get me wrong is a good school, but if he gets into princeton and goes to ND over there...ill cry and slap him in the face...and then cry some more...

i have discovered my unrelenting love for smashing pumpkins...

i have REdiscovered my love for hopesfall....even though they play with sucky ass bands these days like from autmn to ashes...they are turnin into like thrice...gross...

pig destroyer has come out with a new cd this week..."Brutal riff upon riff overlay some of the fastest yet most intricate and stylish drums in the grind game, all conjoined with some of the most manic and terrifying screams ever captured by recording implements."...sounds intellectually stimulating...mental note to pick that shit up...

i am rediscovering my love for life...and oh, what an experience...

its the uncertainty that ill never get to put my arms around her and feel her breath on my neck again that hurts...

i hate dreams...so much

Time is never time at all
You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth
And our lives are forever changed
We will never be the same
The more you change the less you feel
Believe, believe in me, believe
That life can change, that you're not stuck in vain
We're not the same, we're different tonight
Tonight, so bright
Tongiht
And you know you're never sure
But your sure you could be right
If you held yourself up to the light
And the embers never fade in your city by the lake
The place where you were born
Believe, believe in me, believe
In the resolute urgency of now
And if you believe there's not a chance tonight
Tonight, so bright
Tonight
We'll crucify the insincere tonight
We'll make things right, we'll feel it all tonight
We'll find a way to offer up the night tonight
The indescribable moments of your life tonight
The impossible is possible tonight
Believe in me as I believe in you, tonight

im sorry julia

im sick of hurting you

im tired of hurting you

you're the last person in the world i want to hurt

i feel like crying...

good crying though...i just read the most beautiful piece of writing i ave ever laid eyes upon...


omg...

haha...i remember...this one time...there was a concert in lc, and this girl i was friends with didn't have a ride but she wanted to go...so i offered her a ride. We had to stop at my house so she could change clothes, but she forgot to bring clothes, so naturally, i offered her some of mine. Haha they were kind of big on her...but that wasnt the best part. When i gave them to her, i thought she would like go to the bathroom to change. Butttshe just ripped off her shirt, cause she had a bra on, and chenged right there in front of me in my room. I didn't really know what to think, besides blush a little. I mean, it wasn't awkward at all, she went about it as if it were natural. I mean secretly, i had had a crush on this girl ever since i sat behind her in physics class. We would write little notes to each other, kind of like...a weird form of flirting. But anyways...she like took off her shirt and i got wicked turned on...but what was i supposed to do ya know? How was i supposed to know...i was a youngin back then.

Anyways..moral is...this was the best moment of my life.

i called you julia to see what would happen. As i thought would, we talked for 5 minutes before u had to go. thats why i dont call you julia, because its different for u to call me than for me to call you. so if you want to talk to me, which you dont want to anyway, call me.

i wanted to ask what happened to us being best friends. we had it so good before, you even said it. now its like we dug a hole and puked in it and thats what we are. It feels like ive been replaced by tobin, that it doesnt matter to you whether we talk anymore.

you know, i can remember you crying in benets saying how u were so afraid to lose me as your best friend...it really seems like it wouldnt bother you now. i mean that in the sense that im just now another face you have to talk to, another boy you have to put up with. something in us has died i think.

you walked in my house today, didnt even say hi, walked over to ben and like hugged him but didnt even say hi to me...

are we even friends anymore julia?

we are drifting apart...and i hate it...i dont know how u feel about it but thats how i feel...

...you will regret it when im gone and not there for you...

whenever you do something like not good or whatever...you just say you were kidding...so call me a bitch, call me a slut, call me a fool...why cant you just say somehting nice?

you dont need me anymore...then i dont need you either julia....thats how it feels...


has our relationship been deteriorated down to this shit?

id really like to hear you lie through your teeth that im still your best friend because this isn't how best friends act.


remember how you complained how aimee never asked how you are? when was the last time you asked me that julia? i dont remember.

I just want to be your best friend...thats all...